What's wrong with this?:

"I have had asthma for a
long time. It seems to improve
Here in this house by the river.
It is quiet too. No crowds
Bother me. I am brighter
And more rested. I am happy here. . . "

(Rexroth translating Tu Fu.) To me it is just WRONG. I don't know Chinese, but this is WRONG. The enjambments break up the rhythm of the thoughts, but don't give any sense of surprise or creative disjunction; just jerkiness. Are they supposed to be imitating the way an asthmatic talks? I don't think so because he uses other equally arbitrary line-breaks in other Tu Fu translations. Usually in classical Chinese poetry a line is also a unit of thought, so by breaking up the original lines for a jazzy effect you are destroying that basic phrasal rhythm. Maybe Rexroth has no ear (heresy!?). I've always assumed he did, because he enjoys a certain reputation, but maybe he actually doesn't.

Rexroth's diction produces an effect of bathos. "I have had asthma for a / long time."