Pope bans "sexuals" from ordination as priests

Applicants with "sexual' tendencies won't be admitted to seminaries

Pope Benedict XVI has given his approval to a new Vatican policy document that bans men with sexual tendencies from being ordained as priests, reports Catholic World News. Henceforward, only completely asexual men--men evincing no sexual urges at all--will be eligible for the priesthood.

The policy statement is a direct result of the pope's concern about the pedophilia scandal in the church ? especially in the U.S.

The text, approved by Benedict at the end of August, says that sexual men should not be admitted to seminaries even if they are celibate and refrain from spanking the monkey, because their condition suggests a serious personality disorder that detracts from their ability to serve as ministers. "We are not discrinating againt homosexuals or heterosexuals per se," clarified Pope Razzi, "but against sexuality itself. There is a a disturbing 'culture of heterosexuality' in contemporary culture that is perhaps even more pervasive than the traditional 'culture of homosexuality' that we as a church have traditionally promoted. The church will henceforward be a haven for asexuality. Only truly asexual men can be expected to understand the church's teachings on sexuality, rooted as they are in the darkest period of the 'dark ages.' In retrospect, it was probably a mistake for us to allow sexuals in the church in the first place."

As a symbolic gesture, the Pontiff is donating his personal copies of "Penthouse Forum" and "Leather Boys" to the International Red Cross. He also promised that from this point forward he would be "master of [his] own domain."

Priests who have already been ordained, if they suffer from sexual impulses, are strongly urged to renew their dedication to chastity and a manner of life appropriate to the priesthood.