5 nov. 2008

I'm not exactly sure what's happening to me. I can't seem to turn the stress switch off, to the point of having acute anxiety just short of panic attacks. I feel simultaneously overworked and lazy, since I am working hard, accomplishing quite a bit, but still not really thinking I'm going to get everything done. I worked today about six hours on my index for my book, beginning around 7:30 a.m. Then the rest of the day just trying not to be anxious. I also worry about money, my daughter doing her homework, the university turning down my promotion, my undergrads telling me they don't have the next book we're supposed to be reading, etc... The election was a major source of worry. I thought I could turn off my anxiety today, but no such luck.

I don't feel depressed, per se. it is hard to get through the day, though. The weekends are hard when I'm back in St Louis, but the weeks are hard when I'm alone here in Kansas. I stayed here this weekend to get things done, which was probably a good idea, but now I'm feeling even worse after nine days alone. My life is rather impossible as you can see. When I saw Ralph Nader saying we can now see whether Obama is an Uncle Tom or not, I just about lost it. If you see Ralph Nader please punch him for me. That might make me feel a bit better.

8 comentarios:

Jordan dijo...

I'm sorry to hear it, Jonathan. For what it's worth, I know a lot of people whose somatic response to the election hasn't caught up with the news.

You may also have pre-publication blues -- you've put a lot into the book.

Jonathan dijo...

It's a little bit of a puzzle why good news is affecting me badly. Election of Obama, promotion to full professor, and imminent publication of my book--I should be elated. Rumor is I will be called to serve as Minister of Lorca Studies in the new administration.

Thomas Basbøll dijo...

I'd also tie this to the election. I'm completely unable to do any acaemic blogging.

In re Nader, I thought this was funny.

Bob dijo...

I'm sending all my good vibes your way, my friend!

Jacob Russell dijo...

Thank the goddamned pharmaceuticals for clonozipan. When thinking-good-thoughts just don't cut it.

John dijo...

Don't forget the weather.

And impending holiday stress.

Best wishes -- and congrats on the good news parts of the equation!

Judy dijo...

Take good care. Give a call. And if *you* see Ralph Nader, give him two punches, one for you & one for me.

Gary dijo...

Hey, congrats on the book and job news!

But, the stress stuff is bad. I recommend talking with a psychiatrist/analyst, which could help. I did that for post-traumatic stress at one point after a near-death experience, and it did seem to help.