UNACKNOWLEDGED LEGISLATOR OF THE WORD ELMINATES SUNDAY

November 4, 2004
LAWRENCE, KS REUTERS

In a shocking move against the religious-military-NFL complex, unacknowledged legislator of the world Jonathan Mayhew has excised Sunday from the days of the week, sowing panic in the fundamentalist and sporting communities. Other poetic experts, including Kasey S. Mohammad of Ashland Oregon, have pointed out that such a move is purely symbolic, and that no poet has the actual power to shorten the week in such fashion. Mayhew clarified his proposal in the following addendum:

"From now on, time will elapse in a complex and fascinating polyrhythm of '6 against 7.' Those who observe the traditional seven day week will lag behind the progressive 6-day-week community, ulimately causing a rhythmic hiccup in the music of the spheres. The end result will be the defeat and humiliation of the Bush administration, since the religious fundamentalists that support this incompetent and criminal regime will be unable to 'keep up' with the passage of time. I was inspired by Kasey's own abolishing of Christmas, Nick Piombino's innovations in poetic time travel, and Gary Sullivan's reaction to Kerry's concession speech.

Poetic officials are studying Mayhew's proposal. Ron Silliman and Henry Gould are expected to rule on the matter before next Sunday. Dick Cheney could not be reached for comment.